You'll Never Forget
by Invisible Shadowess
Summary: No matter how much you want to forget him, you just can't. Reela fic. R&R, plz.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hi everyone!! Yes, I know, shocking right? I've been gone for almost 7 months and here I am again. Just to let you fans of 'Lost Without You' know, I will not continue with that story because I do not see fit to make a better ending then it already was.**

**NEways… this new fic will be only about 9 chapters long or so. No, you poem mongers, you may not steal my poem. This by the way will be separated in to sections so I can have chapters. Smart, no? this is, as always, a Reela fic.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own ER whatsoever, cuz if I did, Ray and Neela would have kissed a loooonnnnggg time ago! I own the poem, and that's pretty much it.**

Chapter 1: You'll never forget him

_You'll never forget him._

_You'll never forget all the times you shared with him._

Of course I would not be able to forget him. Why did I think I was going to be able forget him? Was I so pathetic to think that I could just move on with my life without Ray? But that's me, pathetic childish little Neela. Ready to fall in love with the one guy who doesn't think of me that way. To Ray, I'm just a friend. What more can I be to him? But that just doesn't make sense. What about all those times when I'd catch him looking at me and all those things that he'd say and do to me that just seemed to tell me that there was a connection. Like we had something special.

"_You'll never forget him."_ Abby told me one day in the lounge.

"_I know, but I can try, can't I?"_ I replied.

"_Why would you want to do that, Neela? You love the guy to death. Why try to throw that all away?"_

"_Because I can't and don't want to waste my life on a man who doesn't feel the same way I do. Abby, I'm not getting any younger."_

"_Neela, you say that like your forty or something. You're like six years younger than I am. You've still got time." _

"_Not for him. I've already wasted two years of my life lollygagging over him and our relationship hasn't gone anywhere. If anything, it's gone backwards. I've messed up so much with our 'friendship' that I don't think it could ever go forwards as far as it has been going backwards. Every time we speak, it's like this huge invisible elephant standing in between us. There's so much that could be said that we don't because everything is so complicated between us."_

"_Whatever you say, Neela. I still think that you should wait a little longer before you do something drastic like pretend that you never loved him."_ Abby looked me once more in the eye and left the room, as she was done with her coffee break.

What more was I supposed to say? It was true that everything was very complicated between me and Ray but to stop trying everything that I had going for me was just plain stupid. Abby was right and I knew it. I did love Ray. I do love Ray. I love him so much it hurts every time I look at him or even think of him. I wish someone could tell me why for the most part when you're in love with someone, that person doesn't really love you the way you love them and why everything has to be so complicated.

It just doesn't make sense. Why can't love be like it is in the movies when the person you love secretly loves you back and then in the end, you end up with the guy all happily-ever-after like? Why do we have to be so hopelessly devoted to that person, no matter what? What drives us to feel like we could wait for the rest of our lives for that person to truly understand just how much you really love him?

We had really good times together. Ray and I. So many sleepless nights I would just get up and join him as he was watching some horror flick, snuggling next to him in the comfort of his (what I thought) loving arm. But to him it was just friendship. It was just what roomies did.

Many times I'd wake up to the wonderful smell of fresh coffee, because Ray felt like making coffee for us so we could be awake on our shift instead of drinking that horrid stuff that some people (cough, Morris, cough) like to call coffee. It was cute when I'd look at some of the people in Jumbomart and they had this look on their faces like we were a really cute couple. Ray, with his adorable sunglasses on even though we were inside and his constant need to buy Captain Crunch even though I personally think it's a sad excuse for breakfast.

So, yes, Abby was right. I'll never forget him. I should never try.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews, or at least those that did review. You know, it kinda makes me sad that there's like hundreds of people reading this fic and only 4 people cared enough to review me… so please let me know that you care and review… now on to the next chappie!!**

**Ooohhh!! And real quick… if the characters are talking and the quotations are in _italics_, it means that the conversation happened sometime in the past.**

**Disclaimer: ummm… really now, can someone please tell me if we have to do this EVERYTIME, cause this gets kinda annoying…  
**

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_**Chapter 2: You'll Never Forget How…**_

_You'll never forget how he made you feel_

_You'll never forget how every time you saw him,_

_he made your stomach flutter._

Could I really forget how he made me feel? I completely doubt it. For two years or more I've worked everyday with him and every time I'd look his way or I'd see him walking down the hallway towards me, I'd get this giddy feeling inside me. That's quite a feat in itself. It was so weird when I saw him. It was like someone up there was watching me, controlling every little move I made. That would be the only real explanation I can come up with since I never act like that normally. Just when I'm around him.

"_Neela, Neela, Neela. Yo, Neela!"_ Ray was presently waving his hand in front of my face trying to get my attention.

"_Oh, sorry Ray. Do you need something?"_ I knew I was not great at the whole acting like nothing was distracting me at the moment, but I could try couldn't I?

"_Need something? There are many things that I need but what I want right now is to go home and sleep. Do you mind signing me off so I can go?"_

"_Oh, yes, of course."_ See this? Yes, me biting my lower lip. This is called trying not to look anymore stupid than I already felt because I had pretty much just been caught mentally drooling over him. But it didn't seem to me that he noticed because the second I signed him off, he turned and left without so much as a strange glance. Don't get me wrong though, I was still caught, just not by Ray.

"_I saw that missy!"_ Abby whispered in my ear. _"Don't think you can get away with it."_

"_Get away with what? I've done absolutely nothing wrong."_

"_Wrong, no. But don't you think that I didn't see you bite that lower lip of yours."_

"_You saw that?"_

"_Sure did. What does the guilty party have to say in its defense?"_

"_Ummm…did anyone else see it?"_

"_Whoa, wait. That is not a defensive reply!"_

"_Abby, I have nothing to defend. It just happened. But did anyone else see it?"_

"_Don't know. Neela, I thought you said you were over him? You're not thinking about changing your mind again, are you?"_

"_I don't know, Abby. I still can't keep my stomach from fluttering every time I see him or, or look into his eyes. He's just horrible when it comes to that because he makes sure to make eye contact with me. It's like I'm in this trance or something of the sort."_

"_I told you you'd never forget him."_

"_Oh enough with the stupid 'I told you so' crap. I know what you told me and I also know what I told you and I'm going to stick with it because it's less complicated that way."_

"_Less complicated? Neela you're kidding, right? It is only going to get more complicated that it already is if you try to move on by trying to avoid him as much as possible. It's only going to hurt more if you do it that way."_

"_Abby, anyway I try to do it right now is going to hurt! What do you suppose I do since you seem to have a better way of doing this?"_

"_OH CRAP!!! Got to go Neela, my patient's crashing! Umm… ask me that question some other time, ok Hun?"_

"_Sure, right, whatever." _

Yes, her patient was crashing, but I knew that it was just a cover-up because she had no idea as to what to do different, just that my way was not the way to go.

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**A/N: Alrighty! You know what to do and when to do it and if you don't, just push the little purple butten that says 'Go' right next to the box that says 'Submit Review'.**

** All set?? Good! I want to see those numbers improve!  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I know, I know. I promised to have this up a looooong time ago. I'm very sorry; please don't throw anything at me. Here's the third chapter, longer as some of you have requested it to be.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing of this fic but the poem, yada, yada, yada….etc. you got the drift right??**

_Chapter 3- Those damn eyes_:

_**You'll never forget how every time he looked your way,**_

_**you're heart skipped a beat.**_

_**And you'll never forget how every time he held you in his arms,**_

_**all time seemed to stop.**_

Could anyone possibly forget those eyes? That look he'd give you when he was messing around? It seemed like his eyes were just dancing in the laughter of things. I know I can't. I guess it's just one of those stupid facts of life. What I really needed to do was not look him in the eye so much. That whole eye-contact thing screwed me over every single time. As long as I looked into his eyes, he could get away with murder.

How is it that every time he looked at me, it was like he could see right through me? No matter how much I wished to try and convince him that everything was fine even though absolutely everything wasn't, all he had to do was say, "Neela, look me in the eyes and tell me that your fine." Usually right after that I would start to bawl for one reason or another and he'd be right there holding me, letting me know that everything would turn out for the better eventually.

Did he know that I loved him? Could he know? Those stupid, damn eyes! I'm sure he did. I'm so childish and completely unaware of what I'm doing when I'm around him there could be no way he couldn't possibly know that I loved him. Oh, those eyes! It was like they had so much passion that they could burn a hole through my soul. I wouldn't doubt it if they already did, the way my heart beats. It's like there's something there in those eye that is searing through my chest just wanting to get through.

I don't get that kind of reaction with Gates or even when Michael was still alive. The both of them were "safe". They were "easy" and "uncomplicated". Well, or at least, that's how it started. Then Michael wanted to go back to Iraq. With Gates, everything was fine until I found out about Meg and Sarah. And then that Sarah had a major potential of being his daughter. Then the complication began.

When Ray would hold me, (just in a friendly manner) I would listen to his heart-beat. I don't know if it was because I'm slightly delusional or because they really were the same, but our heart-beats seemed to beat as one. My heart-beat was the same as his and his mine. Is it possible? One time I heard him playing his piano (I had convinced him that he should get a key board after I heard him play one night at the bar) and this song that he was playing, it was like nothing I had ever heard before. It was – simply put - the most beautiful thing I had ever heard. He was not singing anything to this newly written piece and for some reason it didn't seem to be something he would compose because it was very much so traditional. So traditional in fact, that I almost didn't believe that he wrote it himself. But on the other hand, in a way, it did seem like something he would write. I still to this day have no clue if he knew I was there listening. But there was this feeling the song created in me. It had a drive that I couldn't believe. It was like something that was inside _my _heart. It burned inside me and every note his let hand played coursed through me like a rushing river; rushing and raging over me and driving me o move with it. There's another thing that this left hand seemed to portray. A heart beat. His heart beat. My heart beat. I was so afraid that at any moment my heart would stop.

Oh those damn eyes! They could do anything. They could question me without a word, take my breath away, and they could convince me into doing anything he wished. Any time I looked into those eyes, somewhere inside me I got this pathetic idea that there was something between us more than friendship. But how could it? Those eyes could make me cry if they wanted to. It's through his eyes that my heart could soar.

Abby can even see that.

"Neela, why do you continue to stay with Gates when you know that he's just playing you? Why do you continue to avoid Ray even though you know that the eye contact between you two is heart-searing?"

"How could you say that Abby? How can you say that I know that Gates is playing me? I have no proof of that."

"No proof?!?! Neela, perhaps you don't remember but I remember you practically crying to me that you weren't the only one in Gates life. I remember you saying that when you were in bed with him Meg showed up and walked in on you guys. Did you forget that?"

"Ummm… I try to. And Abby, that whole eye contact thing is completely one-sided anyways. It's just me who feels that way. Ray couldn't possibly feel the same. He's got Katey. Why would he want second best?"

"Have you ever thought that maybe _she's_ second best?"

"Oh? And who do you suppose is his first choice?"

"Oh, come on Neela! Open your eyes! He loves you! It's you!"

"Abby, I- I- I can't listen to this. I'm done crying. I've moved on, that's it. There's nothing else left of me for him. I couldn't possibly believe that _I'm_ his first choice. It's just not possible."

"Not possible for what? That he might just feel the same way you do?"

"Yes! That's exactly it! Those signs that I saw or thought I saw and felt could possibly be true! This isn't a fairy tale, things like this just don't happen!"

"How do you know that?!?! Neela, why can't you have just a little faith?"

"Because those damn eyes of his are so misleading! He wants one thing, but says another. That's how it is with him. I don't even know when he's joking around or being serious ninety-nine percent of the time. I love him! That's it. You want me to admit it? There, I admit it, I love him, but he couldn't possibly feel the same."

It was then that Ray walked in. How much of what we said he heard I don't know. All I could do was pray to God he hadn't heard any of it.

"You- You love me?" and those eyes did it again. How could I deny him, now? His eyes were brimming with tears, yet the rest of his body was completely dumb struck. Shit. This was never supposed to happen.

"Neela? Talk to me…please?" I couldn't even look at him it was the best I could do to keep from crying. No. I would not let him see the pain. I wanted Abby to say _something_. Anything to interrupt the silence. It was eating me alive. Should I say anything? _Could _I say anything?

Ray took a step toward me and held out his hand as if to try to touch me on the shoulder. Anything to get me to talk. But my mouth was dry and my eyes were brimming with tears.

"I think I should leave you two to talk." And with that, Abby left the two of us alone in the lobby.

Shit.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Alright, you begged for it, you pleaded for it, here it is!! I hope I haven't pissed off any of you guys for leaving the last chappie as I did but believe me, it is well worth it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, yada, yada, yada….etc… same as before… moving on!**

_Chapter 4__: Talking_

_**No matter how you try to forget the rough times with him,**_

_**You can't.**_

For all I know, it could have been hours before either one of us started talking. I knew that his eyes were burning into the top of my head as mine were burning into the floor. What was I supposed to say? That I loved him? I'm sure he already knew that. I hated Ray for his refusal to leave and his determination to know what was the real truth. Why couldn't he just leave me to my misery?

I don't know how long it was that we were standing there that I finally looked up and met his eyes for the first time since he walked in the room. He still continued not talking but his eyes said everything. I could tell that he knew that I was going to deny everything that I had just poured out to Abby. What more could he expect? I'm not that kind of girl. But I swear, the look he gave me sliced me in half. I knew I couldn't lie to him.

Could I really tell him the truth after all the long, sleepless nights I had because of him? Could I really tell him the truth when I can't even remember the last night my pillow was not drenched in tears?

But like all things that come to those who are desperate, something in me began to scream at me. **"Maybe, the reason why you still are not able to get over Ray is because you are not supposed to in the first place. Perhaps it is because by you moving on, you would not be able to do what the future holds in store for you two."** It was at that moment that I knew it was true. I might have to wait for him, but we were supposed to be together in the end.

How could it not be true? Did I not see it every time I looked at Ray? There have been many times I must admit that I have seen myself kissing him. It wasn't really what people would call a 'fantasy'. No, it was more of a 'mind getting ahead of the body' kind of thing.

"Neela, please talk to me. Don't walk away from me again."

Too late. I had already turned and ready to leave him standing alone in the lobby. I couldn't talk to him about this. Not yet anyways. I began to walk away from him and went for the door.

"Neela… please?" his voice was barely above a whisper; pleading one last cry.

I dropped my hand from the door knob and turned back to face him. Tears began to run freely down his face. He wasn't going to hide them anymore. And that was it; that was the breaking point for me. No more running from the truth anymore. I was going to be honest about this. The tears began to flow freely from my eyes as well and I saw now point in stopping them.

"Ray… what- what do you want me to say? What haven't you known already and heard me tell Abby? What difference could it make if I tell you what's the truth?

"It would let me know I'm not alone in how I feel."

"Ray, I can't… I can't do this right now…"

"Neela, stop this; stop it right now. Please don't do this to me. To you." I could have died with the look he gave me. It tore me apart to see him in so much pain.

I took a step towards him; not wanting him to hurt anymore. So what if I've cried every night since I moved out of _our_ apartment? How many times had I wished that our petty little fights had not happened and how many times had I wished the he would stop having all those one night stands? To put it short; too many to count. Here was my chance to make everything all better and I was willing to throw it all away.

"Ray… I… I love you, Ray."

And then, right at that moment, I saw everything that had happened between us. I remembered the night I moved out. I saw the roof top when I had just found out that Michael had just died and I told Ray to stay away from me. It's wonderful that he didn't do as I say.

I looked at him and tried to look for something that would say what was going on in his mind at the moment, but there was nothing. His face was no longer pleading for an answer and it did not have the pain it did before I had finally come clean, but his face still did not show the emotion that would lead me on to what to expect to come out of his mouth.

Then it happened. He closed up the small amount of space between us, leaned down, and…

The door of the lobby opened.

"Neela, I was wondering-… You! What the hell do you think you're doing?!?"

**A/N: Yes, I know; **_**another**_** cliffie!! Sorry, I just couldn't resist the temptation!! Review!!!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: So… I am going to stop saying when I'm going to update because something else **_**always**_** gets in the way. I apologize. It's not fair to you.**

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_Chapter 5: More Talking, Fighting and Some Convincing_

_Previously:_

_"Neela, I was wondering-… You! What the hell do you think you're doing?!?"_

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Tony! I… I…" Neela stammered trying to figure out what it was that she should do next or say to him. What was the right thing to say? He certainly didn't see it wrong; they _were_ about to kiss. There was no denying that fact.

"Neela, don't. I don't want to hear it. I knew one day you'd finally leave me for that pompous bastard. I just didn't know when. No need to say any good-byes. Meg hated you and now Sarah hates you still and I'm beginning to see why. You just don't know when you've got a good thing, do you? You just throw it away. And for what? For him?!? He isn't worth the scum off my shoes!"

"Alright, Tony that's enough! You knew you never had her heart to begin with so theirs is no reason why you should be such a sore loser about it once it finally happened. You couldn't take care of her! You can't handle her! You _don't know how_! That's why Meg killed herself and you know it! Here you are yelling at Neela because she wasn't true to you and you're the one who hasn't been true to her from the get go! You weren't true to her _or_ to Meg. So don't you ever talk to her that way!"

"Ray! Tony! Stop this!" Neela cried out, but it seemed neither one of them heard her because next thing she knew, she saw Tony fling himself at Ray; landing heavy blows into Ray's gut and face. Then there was Ray's turn to land his blows. All one could see was a blur of white lab coats and furniture getting knocked around. The poor table didn't stand a chance. All Neela could so was stand at the side screaming at both of them to stop. Didn't appear like it was going to work anytime soon.

Of course, all this commotion didn't go unnoticed by those at the front desk. Morris and Frank both looked at the closed door to the lounge and then to each other and then back again. There were loud crashes, sounds of items breaking, faint grunts, and (of course) Neela screaming at the top of her lungs for them to "stop acting like babies and stop fighting".

"Should we go in there you think?" Morris said to Frank, not taking his eyes off the door to the lounge.

"Nah, I think we should wait it out. Either Neela's going to run out of there for help, or someone else is going notice there's a problem." Frank said, he too not taking his eyes off the door to the lounge.

"You sure?"

"Positive."

Just then, Luka walk into the room. Apparently, he had some doctors who weren't answering their pagers.

"Where is Ray? Have you guys seen Tony? Crenshaw is complaining that Neela has also disappeared."

Frank and Morris just nodded towards the direction of the lounge, not looking up from the charts they were supposedly reading. Luka looked over and saw the blinds crash against the window and Neela's screams were still being heard loud and clear.

"How long have they been at it?"

"Oh, I'd say five minutes tops. Ray and Neela were in there together for about ten minutes or so and then Gates walked in. And here is the unsolved result." Morris said, once again nodding towards the lounge.

"And you two weren't going to stop it?"

"We figured if it got serious, Neela would open the door and cry for help. And she hasn't yet." Frank said to Luka as if discussing the weather. Then Pratt walked by. He took one glance at the lounge door, looked at Luka and the both of them ran in to stop the ruckus.

BAMM!!!!

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!?!?!" Luka bellowed as the door slammed against the other wall. At that moment, everything stopped. Ray was currently on top of Tony laid out on the couch, right hand on his neck, left ready to hit him again. Tony was trying with his might to get Ray off of him and the both of them were looking at Luka in shock. Neela was another sight to see. Her hair was disheveled, her lab coat was hanging off one of her shoulders, and she was almost shoeless because she had thrown one at them already and was about to throw the other one. She too was looking back at Luka, completely awestruck, still with her shoe in hand. Had it been because of another reason, the scene would have been hilarious what Pratt and Luka saw, but it wasn't. So it wasn't funny.

Nobody said a word. Luka was only getting blank stares. Of course, who can blame them? It's not easy trying to explain to your boss that you're fighting someone for the right to have the girl of your heart. Sounds sort of junior high-ish in a way, and who wants to admit they're acting like junior highers?

"Alright, as it appears no one wants to explain their actions, I'm going to make it clear to all of you that I don't want to see any of this in my ER again. Am I clear? Good. Ray, Gates, I want you two to stay away from each other. Neela, Dr. Crenshaw wants you in the OR now."

After seeing that his words were not needed, Pratt took the liberty of making sure that Ray and Gates stayed away from each other. Neela on the other hand was feeling quite bewildered; Pratt could see it on her face that she was fighting between going up to the OR and listen to Crenshaw yell at her, and talking to Ray. Pratt decided for her.

"Neela, I want you to talk to Ray. No, don't worry; I'll make up an excuse for you to Crenshaw as to why you are not yet there."

"Are you sure he even wants to talk to me? I've really screwed this up. What if he doesn't want to talk to me?"

"Neela, he just beat the shit out of a guy for you. Trust me; he wants you to talk to him."

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Ray was on his way to the drug lock-up when Neela caught up to him. Whether or not the drugs were for another patient or him was unclear, but the way he was clutching his head seemed to prove to her that it was the latter.

"Ray? I… umm… wanted to apologize for, umm, back there. It shouldn't have happened."

"Do you think that just because I fought for you and you 'proclaimed' your love for me that that makes everything ok? After months of not wanting to talk to me and pushing me away, now you want to talk to me? Now you think that with three little words that makes everything better?"

"Ray, that's… that's why I want to apologize. I understand that this doesn't make everything ok. What I didn't wasn't fair to you. I don't expect you to trust me or even love me back. I just want… want to know that I love you and I'll be waiting for you now. I'm ready when you're ready to come back to me."

"Neela… I… I love you. Nothing is ever going to change that. I spent months after you left the apartment telling myself that I was an idiot for falling in love with you and tried so hard to get over you. But nothing changed. Sure, I got frustrated when you didn't want to talk to me. It royally pissed me off that you ran to Gates for help and support after Michael's death. But that never stopped me from loving you. Yes, it will take sometime before I can really trust that you are committed to me, but I'm willing to take that risk."

At that moment, time stopped. They stared into each other's eyes and it felt as if their gaze was searing a hole into each other's soul. Ray bent his head down for the second time that day and this time, they shared a soft, passionate kiss. They both had been dreaming of this moment for over a year now, but neither of them thought that it would actually happen. Yet it did.

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**A/N: Hoped you loved it! Now it's time to do the second part of R&R… Review!!!**


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